All I want in life…

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I’m re-sharing this beautiful piece of expression by a friend of mine – SK Durai

Sharan Suresh

I’m a woman, born into a wrong anatomy. My birth was such, probably, to make a difference in the world, and to open the eyes, minds and heart of those who are ignorant. Life is always filled with surprises, but what happens when you are born with a surprise? That’s how I was born. Facing rejection, being a subject of hate, disgust to others, others who are common, who love to label themselves as “normal”. But those normal people out there forgot that I’m as real and human as they are too.

Having discovered my true identity, I am on a journey to pursue with completing myself, so that I may seem common, and may seamlessly fit in. I’m tired of the lime-light, the staring and the gossips. I am who I am. I have a little heart, which beats just like yours. It feels all emotions that any common person would feel too: happy, sad, hurt, content, angry, you name it… Then why do you look at me as if I’m some sort of an alien?

In my heart, I have dreams like you, and wishes too. My dreams are not so big. God has blessed me with loving parents and a very loving husband. But because of society’s rejection due to the blind faith and ignorance of others, I’m a slave to my birth defect. I cannot legally be bound to my love. Thus, there are no rights to protection and civil benefits for us in the country that I and my father, and his father was born in.

Madhu – A classic example of an exemplary woman who was pushed to the edge until she took her own life (Click the picture to read more)

In my birth certificate and my identification card, I am known of a race which is not my nationality. Since I cannot be legally married, I am restrained from having a family. My dreams are small. I want to be a mother soon. God has not given me the gift to bare an infant, because many, who have the gift, misuse it for selfish purposes and abandon their babies. Thus there are many souls like me who are hungry for love, waiting for the moment when they will be carried and cuddled in a pair of warm loving arms.

I would love to adopt two children. One girl, and one boy. Since I’ve been facing so much hate from the outside world, I have a lot of love locked up inside, ready to be shared. I want to be a mom. I want to be able to cuddle my baby and see it smile. I want to listen to my baby’s first words. I want to watch my baby grow, grow into someone worthy in society, and I want my children to look up to me and say they love me as much as I love them.

I want to be able to have my children know who their mother (me) and their father (my husband) is, and to respect us and learn from us. I will raise my children to be intelligent, not forgetting to inject family values in them as they grow.

I want to grow old lying on my husband’s shoulder, watching my babies become adults. I want to grow old and marry them off handsomely. I want to spend the last days of my life next to my husband. I want to reminisce the memories and be proud of my achievements. And when my time comes, I want to go without pain, with my head rested on his lap, and his hand on my cheek. I pray to God that I would go before him and only after my children are well settled, because I am not strong at baring the pain of his absence.

That is when my soul shall truly rest in peace.

Now, I would continue living up to my life’s ambition, ONLY if our government acknowledges my birth. My parents are willing to testify, so is my family, which includes the man who is living with me 365 days a year, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day; my husband, a heterosexual common man who can testify in public and before the court of law if I am a real woman, or as people assume, a man acting as a woman.

I want to be able to get married legally so that my children may benefit from it when they go to school. I want to adopt my children legally, having my name as their mother, and my husband as their father. I do not want them to face any complications, rejection or any issues for the matter of fact when they go to school.

Though I know I’m not a common woman, I want to have a common family and a common life. So why am I put to exile for something which I have no power over? My birth condition has been diagnosed globally by well-renowned doctors and scientists. Yet, I’m rejected by society and politicized by the government and some religious authorities who confuse themselves from what is “faking it” and “honestly living the life”.

I do not blame them for their ignorance, but I do blame them for being selfish and inconsiderate. Not being rational using the gift that God has given them to think properly. Instead they choose to abide texts and religious terms and conditions which even contradict from life itself.

When will my dreams come true? When will my sufferings stop? Why am I being judged and punished by other sinners who have no authority towards me, especially when I’ve done nothing wrong?
Only time will tell.

Until then, watch me suffer silently…

Mrs. Sharan Suresh